WanderingAmylessly 2.0

I recall the "summer of mercy." It was 1991 in Wichita, Kan., declared by Operation Rescue -- one of those vindictive, malevolent, hateful, pro-life freak groups. They'd lie down in front of cars trying to get into a local clinic. They'd chain themselves together and refuse to let clinic patrons or staff pass. They'd sing hymns and chant and probably speak in tongues and weep and picket with signs showing graphic, bloody images. After the first few days, I couldn't stomach any more of it. I joined the National Abortion Rights Action League (NARAL) and the National Organization for Women (NOW) and proudly wore my pro-choice T-shirt and shot the dirty looks right back and those who gave me the evil eye around town and campus. The clinic most targeted was run by Dr. George Tiller, a man the sickeningly self-righteous "Christian" folk threatened to take down...some said, by whatever means necessary. This morning, as Dr. Tiller was walking into his own c

The nicer the weather outside, the less I'm interested in sitting INSIDE on the computer. I think I may take a brief blogging hiatus. Then again, I need an outlet for my kvetching and pondering. So you may be stuck with me. Not today though. I have no pressing thoughts. If you do, feel free to comment. It'll give me something to address tomorrow. Enjoy pre-Summer!

Those people on The Biggest Loser. I want to be them. I want to take six months off work, workout all day long, and eat 1,200 healthy calories a day until I lose this __ lbs. I need to, to get my BMI L.O.W. P.D.Q. Since that's not feasible from a financial standpoint, I've resorted to goals of 50 minutes of exercise daily (a combo of spin, walking, running, cardio machines, and yoga). I am eating 1,200-1,400 calories per day, focusing on eating 5-9 fruits and veggies a day and sticking with the following percentages: 45-65% of calories from carbs, 20-35% from fat, and 10-35% from protein. And I'm trying to rid myself of habits that seem to be my dietary downfall: emotional eating, lazy snacking (hello, couch potato), and fast food restaurants. I'm keeping track of everything on www.fitday.com. It's a free site that calculates, motivates, and offers space for a daily journal entry. At the end of week 1, I've lost 2 pounds. Meantime, I'm trying to stay motivat

Wow. That was ugly. I had a biometric health assessment today at work. It's a free service offered by our insurance carrier and our employer to try to get people as healthy as possible so our insurance premiums won't continue to go through the roof. You know...preventive maintenance. But how much preventive maintenance can one/should one do on a 1971 Plymouth?! Ha. I won't freak you out or embarrass myself by revealing my weight or my waist size or my BMI, except to say that, according to the charts ladies and gentlemen, I am -- drumroll and fanfare -- OBESE. Plus, my cholesterol's well above 200. I'm so tired of fighting this battle. Could someone please create for me a healthy and satisfying alternative to the cigarette? Because honestly, the only thing that's ever effectively take off the weight and keep it off was those horrible nicotine sticks. And there you're trading one potential killer for another. "Why yes, I looked so svelte and attractive. R

What did you think of the 31-day random post idea generator? I'll let you all comment. Meantime, I'm tired of writing about myself, my thoughts, my feelings, all that me-me-me garbage. I suppose I've been told that people should always write about what they know. This little experiment shows me that I tire of me. Quickly. Maybe I'm just tired in general. We had a long day. Henry got his remaining ear tube removed in a minor surgical procedure this morning. About 4 hours of waiting for 10 minutes of actual surgery. The nurses said he came through it fabulously, waking up by simply opening his eyes and saying hello. We remembered the last time, when he had the tubes put in at age 1.5-ish, he woke up screaming and continued for quite some time. He wasn't quite himself from a balance standpoint most of the rest of the day, and he needed lots of extra snuggles on the couch. We also showered him with gifts and treats and kisses and let him pick where he wanted to eat dinn

Name one thing that you do well. Not only can I name it, but I can offer an entire thesaurus entry of options regarding it. Main Entry: worry Part of Speech: verb Definition: be or make anxious, troubled Synonyms: afflict, aggrieve, agonize, ail, annoy, attack, bedevil, beleaguer, beset, bite one's nails, bother, brood, bug*, chafe, concern oneself, depress, despair, disquiet, distress, disturb, dun, feel uneasy, fret, gnaw at, go for*, goad, harass, harry, hassle, have qualms, hector, importune, irritate, needle, oppress, persecute, perturb, pester, plague, stew*, sweat out*, take on, tantalize, tear, tease, test, torment, torture, trouble, try, unsettle, upset, vex, wince, writhe, wrong * = informal/non-formal usage Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus, Third Edition Copyright © 2009 by the Philip Lief Group.

The phrase "high school" reminds you of: Preppies Band geekdom Guess jeans Popularity, or lack therof Awkwardness Friendships Crushes The '80s John Hughes movies Small town Hating American History (teachers) Kansas Association for Youth College visits ACT How unimportant it all seems now

What is in your car trunk? Other than the spare tire, absolutely nothing! Can you believe it?! I can't. I never have a clean trunk. Let's face it, I never have a clean car. I was always worried when Henry was a baby that if we were ever in an accident, he would get beaned in the head by assorted flying crap in the car. His concussion wouldn't be from the wreck impact, it'd be from a Franklin planner launched across the seat back. A couple weeks ago, I cleaned the car of all empty pop bottles, fast food sacks, papers from Henry's school, a few dirty clothes, and a pair of scissors (don't ask me...I don't know...). I also removed several parts of my Halloween costume from the trunk. I was a potted plant. It took two rounds of vaccuming to get all the peat moss bits off the trunk lining. Of all the things one might keep in one's trunk (suitcase if one is lucky enough to travel somewhere exciting; dead body if one is a Soprano), mossy flakes seem seriously t

What's your favorite poem? I don't know if it's my all-time favorite. But it always makes me smile... True Love by Judith Viorst It is true love because I put on eyeliner and a concerto and make pungent observations about the great issues of the day Even when there's no one here but him, And because I do not resent watching the Green Bay Packers Even though I am philosophically opposed to football, And because When he is late for dinner and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the middle of the street, I always hope he's dead. It's true love because If he said quit drinking martinis but I kept drinking them and the next morning I couldn't get out of bed, He wouldn't tell me he told me, And because He is willing to wear unironed undershorts Out of respect for the fact that I am philosophically opposed to ironing, And because If his mother was drowning and I was drowning and he had to choose one of us to save, He says he'd sav

10 things I believe in 1. Tim 2. The therapeutic benefits of pet ownership 3. Chocolate often being better than sex 4. Barack Obama 5. The importance of having a really good therapist 6. Going somewhere pleasant when I die 7. The idea that there's more to life than work 8. Aromatherapy 9. The power of a smile 10. Eating less, moving more

10 things I've done or said that I'm proud of I, first off, would like to apologize for this ridonkulous "Me" fest that the 31 days of random-blog-post-prompt-generator-ness seems to have turned into. I guess I could figure out a way to turn all these "me, myself, and I" prompts into something more worldly. Instead, I will shun all thoughts of world peace or curing cancer or human rights or whatnot and continue to say, "Hey world, it's really all about me. I'm so awesome. I'm too sexy for this blog..." I'm proud of: 1. Being a bleeding-heart liberal 2. Being a parent (I waver between proud and terrified) 3. Supporting the March of Dimes 4. My former journalism career 5. My marriage -- I think we work hard at it 6. My ability to make sushi and gourmet pizza 7. The annual holiday family newsletter 8. Purposefully doing something fun for myself every day 9. Blogging (not so sure about the last 24 days or so) 10. Teaching myself to knit

Do you have regrets? Who doesn't. Anyone who tells you they don't have regrets will some day regret saying that. Because we all, at one time or another, have done or said or maybe merely thought something that we wish we hadn't. I regret not staying in touch with old, dear friends. But because of that regret, I've worked harder to reconnect with some of them. I also think I try harder to stay connected with people I care about, no matter how far apart we are geographically. Gotta love search engines and e-mail and Facebook. I have mentioned other regrets in previous posts, ones about wishing I'd been diagnosed earlier and made better behavioral choices and gotten rid of my baby weight quickly and continued playing clarinet in college. But they're all rather small regrets. Fairly insignificant. Piddling. I'm sure folks out there regret things like once getting the name of their now-ex tattooed on their ass or puking on the shoes of and/or passing out in front

10 places I have lived, in order I'm not altogether sure I've lived in 10 different places. We'll give it a shot. I guess if you count all my college moves... 1. 519 N. First Street, Mulvane, KS 2. 1205 Joann Dr., Mulvane, KS 3. Fourth floor Ford Hall, KSU, Manhattan, KS 4. A studio apartment on Douglas Street, Wichita, KS 5. Fairmount Towers, WSU, Wichita, KS 6. A room in a sports writer's house, Bel Nor, MO 7. Massasoit Apts, Atchison, KS 8. A couple shady apartments in Ogden, UT 9. First-time-homebuyer's house on 24th St., Ogden, UT 10. Mold-invested* rental house on 5th Ave. Place, Coralville, IA *Edited to note: I left the misspelling of "infested" there just to show you how brain-fried I was when I wrote it.

What four or five relationships have had the greatest impact on your life? As soon as I list the four or five, I don't want anyone who's not mentioned to feel slighted. So many people have touched my life in a major way, this question isn't really fair. The five I'm picking for specific reasons. And even these I'm listing aren't in any particular order. Tim: My husband and I met during a time in my life when I felt like giving up. I didn't want to get up in the morning. I didn't want to go to work every day. I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. Then we met and clicked together like two puzzle pieces. We don't share a lot of the same interests, but we appreciate each other's differences. We're a nice compliment. I'm emotional and loud, he's softer spoken and laid back. He's a math guy, I'm a grammar girl. He does the taxes, I cook dinner most of the time. It's not like sunshine and roses 24/7. Living with me can

Name one dumb thing you did today. Again, this topic was not from the random generator. This was wholly inspired by my constant drift toward klutziness. I will spare you most of the ridiculous details. Long story short, I burned the top of my thumb on the broiler coil of my oven. My flesh sizzled. It smoked. A dismal brown stripe immediately appeared along the length of my thumb. I am not sure whether I was just in shock or whether it was truly not a big deal, but I was in a calm enough frame of mind to turn off the oven and find the aloe ointment before having Tim do the thing we're not to do: search the Net. A quick google found descriptions of first, second, and third degree burns. When we read the symptoms of third-degree burns often included a brown-colored wound and lack of pain, I began to panic. This nasty, crispy-looking burn had yet to hurt, which seemed very strange. I'd had altercations with curling irons before that had me in tears within seconds. I called the aft

What is one thing you miss most from your past? As twisted as this sounds, I miss those hypomanic days when I had bundles of energy and thought there wasn't anything I couldn't do. I was so confident and outgoing, bubbly and passionate and motivated. I realize that manic phases can be dangerous. When you think you can do anything with no consequences, like, say, drive a hundred miles an hour or spend a thousand dollars on an afternoon shopping spree, life can go downhill fast. Usually those manic episodes nose dive into deep depressive episodes. They call it bipolar for a reason. Now, on the my current meds, I'm on a rather even pattern. Not any highest highs, not any depths of despair. Most days everything's sort of blah, a take-it-or-leave-it feeling. I'd love to get super excited about things again.

What's wrong?! Migraine. Or stress headache. Or stress everythingache. I can't turn my head, my neck hurts, my back hurts, my head pounds. Going home. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

My 10 favorite quotes Happiness is a warm puppy. -- Charles M. Schulz Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. -- Franklin P. Jones Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor Roosevelt A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. -- Maya Angelou Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all. -- Bill Clinton When it doubt, write around it. -- Many Journalists You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. -- Dr. Seuss (Oh, the Places You'll Go!) Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body. -- Elizabeth Stone The wastebasket is a writer's best friend. -- Isaac Bashevis Singer That's all I have to say about that. -- Forrest Gump

10 things I've always wanted to do that I haven't done (yet) 1. Travel outside the United States. I'd love to go almost anywhere in Europe. In a pinch, Canada would suffice, since it's close. 2. Write a book. I've written ideas for books. I've written chapters for books never finished. I need to just DO IT. 3. Go back to school full time. I have no idea what I'd study. I wish I felt passionate about something that I could translate into a career. 4. Win the lottery so I can either write a book or go back to school full time. People always say that money doesn't solve problems. I'd like to form my own opinion on that subject. 5. Visit New York City. It's odd, but 9/11 actually made me want to see the city even more. 6. See the Atlantic Ocean. Or any ocean other than the one I've seen. 7. Smoke pot. But if you're my mom, you didn't just read that. Or maybe you did, and aren't you proud of me for having never done that?! 8. Be i

Right now, I feel... Imperfect. And I don't like it. I realize I've never been perfect. I know no one is, although some days it feels as though I'm expected to be so. When your job requires that you correct other people's mistakes all day long, you quickly realize that imperfection is the norm rather than the exception. You also learn right away that people don't much enjoy having people telling them that they're effing up. Even if you do it in a polite, somewhat self-deprecating manner. My job is to right the wrongs. But some days (most, in fact) I'm probably a sucky editor, because I just don't feel all that passionate about whether someone put the comma in a bad spot. Whatever. Some people are out there fighting for their lives. Others are saving the lives that are put on the line. Some folks are curing disease, some are educating our youth, some are developing state-of-the-art technologies to help rescue a world trying to do itself in at every turn.

10 people no longer living I would love to have met (and why) 1 and 2: My grandfathers. My grandpa Lehman died a year or so before I was born. My grandpa Buz died years before that, on the day of JFK's funeral. I never met either of them, but I feel like I know them a little from hearing my parents' and my siblings' stories about them. Mostly, I feel sorta left out. 3: Abraham Lincoln. First off, I'd love to know whether the artists' renderings of him did him justice. Was he really that tall and skinny and, God love him, homely? But more importantly, I would love to hear him speak, to hear his passionate views on the Union and the need to end slavery. 4. Amelia Earhart. I once lived in the town where she was born. And I would LOVE to know whether she even cared at all about the little town. She didn't live there long. Yet that town was the one to throw a huge celebration on what would've been her 100th birthday. I also would be curious to know whatever ha

Day 14 -- Your favorite elementary school teacher... It has to be Miss Wilson, my fifth grade teacher. She was the best! She was young and vibrant, funny and smart and patient, and she always treated us as though we were older than we actually were. Even when we didn't act it. She seemed to respect us and our opinions. My favorite thing about her was her taste in books. Specifically, the books she chose to read to us when we came back from lunch. I treasured that time more than any other in the day. She turned out the lights, gathered us in a corner of the room, and swept us into fictional lands and scenarios that stick in my head to this day. The Westing Game , The Headless Cupid , and The Witch of Blackbird Pond are the first to come to mind. One of the many reasons I hated ELP -- the extended learning (gifted...gag) program they stuck me in starting in third grade -- was because a couple days a week I had to skip Miss Wilson's reading time to go work on creative problem sol

It's 2009, the year when the first African American president of the United States of America took office. Why, may I dare to ask, do at least six states in these UNITED states celebrate something called "Confederate Memorial Day"? It is a state-sanctioned holiday. People get the day off. Why, may I also ask, do we not have a "Union Memorial Day"? Want to know why? Because we already have a memorial day on which we honor those who have passed, no matter what flag they flew or what military might they supported. It's on the last Monday in May. The states I found observing this Dimwit Dixie Day are Alabama, Florida, Georgia, and Mississippi (April 26), and North and South Carolinas (May 10) -- and there may be others I missed...I betcha Texas is one. In case anyone forgot, the whole reason those southern evangelical nutjobs wanted to secede from the Union is because they wanted to keep their slaves. Slaves, people. There's no room in our society for a holi