WanderingAmylessly 2.0

We made the mistake of letting Henry watch TV this morning because he was up early. (And the more general mistake of upgrading our cable a few weeks ago to include the Devil's minion, Playhouse Disney.) Then he didn't want to stop watching. He threw an almighty fit. Kicking. Screaming. Crying. Wailing. Moaning. Complaining. And that was only the five minutes I personally witnessed of the meltdown before I escaped to my car and the sanctity of the copy desk. Later, Tim sent me an e-mail. I'll just copy and paste, because he did a beautiful job of summing it up. ...At one point, all weepy, he asks, “Why don’t you let me watch cartoons on stay-home days when Handy Manny comes on?” I didn’t even know what he was talking about, but I asked when Handy Manny comes on. He says, “It’s on at 10, 9 central, right after Imagination Movers .” TV is a scary thing...

Sometimes I feel like my entire parenting experience is one giant negotiation between myself and the other person (a tiny, ninja turtle-loving-but-food-touching-each-other-hating creature) at the table during our 2008 International Summit on Sending Mommy to an Early Grave. For someone who shares my woe, click here .

This song, featured on NBC's The Office , is sung to the tune of The Chanukah Song by Adam Sandler: Diwali is a festival of lights. Let me tell you something. Tonight has been one crazy night. So put on your saris, it's time to celebrate Diwali. Everybody looks so jolly. But it's not Christmas, it's Diwali. The goddess of destruction Kali stopped by to celebrate Diwali. Don't invite any zombies to a celebration of Diwali. Along came Polly to have some fun at Diwali. If you're Indian and you love to party, have a happy, happy, happy, happy Diwali. Happy Diwali! Diwali (or Deepavali) is a major Indian holiday, and a significant festival in Hinduism, Sikhism, Buddhism, and Jainism. Many legends are associated with Diwali. Today it is celebrated by Hindus, Jains, and Sikhs across the globe as the "Festival of Lights," where the lights or lamps signify victory of good over the evil within every human being. Diwali is celebrated on the fifteenth day of the m...

Even more gramatically related things that twist my knickers. Or some such. 1. I could care less. This phrase is so wrong, it’s wronger. The correct phrase is “I couldn’t care less” as in there is no way whatsoever that I could care any less. 2. Children is already plural. Therefore, you cannot have childrens’ because you can’t have more than one children. Makes no sense, and the thought of having plural children frightens me anyway. It is always children’s, as in children’s books. 3. ATM machine, HIV virus, PIN number …tell me what’s wrong with those? Redundant with a capital R. The last letter of each of those acronyms stands for the word that follows. So just drop the word. ATM, HIV, PIN will suffice in most situations. 4. Masseuse. Do you go to one? She’d better be a she, because that word is the feminine form. If you go to a male, it’s masseur. However, I would ditch both those terms in favor of “massage therapist,” unless your professional of choice rubs spots in more than...

When there's nothing else to blog about, I'll whine about the weather. We're under a high wind warning all day. Sustained winds of 30-40 mph, with gusts up to 60. Tonight, we're under a freeze warning. Say bye-bye to vegetation, hello to the need for winter coats and gloves -- which our preschooler does not currently own, at least not in a size that fits him. One perk to this nutty weather is, I am guessing most of the leaves on our trees will be down by tonight, and hopefully most will have blown away so that we won't need to rake much. The downside: A couple of gusts in the past few minutes have me wondering whether we'll still have a roof by this evening. My parents wonder where the hell their little girl has decided to settle her family. The last time they were here, we were in the midst of the big flood. They arrived Thursday for their latest visit...and now, they're witnessing frozen pumpkins and near-hurricane-force winds. They'll have stories to ...

The last eight years have gotten us a multi-trillion-dollar deficit, a Wall Street meltdown, higher unemployment rates, a war based on lies...need I go on? I could. There's enough rotten baggage from the Bush administration to rattle on for hours. Don't let Senator McCain and his campaign rats fool you. He's as bad as Bush, if not worse. If we're not already in a depression, we will be (or at least I will be) if this man and his ding-dong beauty queen of a running mate get elected. Instead, I'm going to leave you with a few images and a couple quotes. Fitting for this Halloween season, it's just plain scary. “Make it a hundred . . . That would be fine with me,” Sen. McCain to a questioner who asked if he supported President Bush’s vision for keeping U.S troops in Iraq for 50 years. "Our economy, I think, is still -- the fundamentals of our economy are strong," McCain in Florida...just about a month ago. "The issue of economics is not something I...

My husband has made a solemn vow. Oh, forget that business about until death do us part. Richer and poorer, sickness and health. No, I'm talking something really HUGE! Tim says he will not shave until we elect a democrat to the presidency. I asked whether he meant he would shave on election night or wait until inauguration day in January. He said I might be getting a scosh ahead of myself. Someone in his office said he'd better be careful, or he'd be looking downright Talibani in a few years. Actually, I think he's just using this election as a cover to chuck the razor, buy a wardrobe of flannel from Eddie Bauer and embrace his inner Paul Bunyan. I hope I'm not the blue ox in this scenario. Please don't let this be a Halloween costume idea...

Usually, the most exciting thing that happens for me on Halloween night is turning off the porch light early, while I still have some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups left. I mean, other than watching my adorable child wander the dark neighborhoods in a furry animal suit begging for enough sugar to make a sweet fairy princess comatose. That's always a treat. (The trick comes when you try to put said child to sleep.) However, it's looking like I might actually have something to do this year on Halloween. In fact, I might have an all-day party extravaganza. We're having a potluck and other festivities at work. And our family also has been invited to a ghoulish little get-together with some friends. Which means I'll probably have to break down and get a costume. I always hated Halloween for this reason. I could never come up with an extraordinary get-up, just the right combination of class, humor, and timeliness. If only I looked like Sarah Palin (or Tina Fey dressing like P...

I just experienced a beautiful bit of spontaneity -- complete with acoustic guitar and vocals by a fedora-clad guy who looks like a cross between Jake Gyllenhaal and Adam Carolla. Late last night, my friend Nikki comments on my blog post about singer-songwriter Joshua Radin. She, too, is a casual fan. Then she casually adds that Joshua just happens to be scheduled to play at The Picador in Iowa City on Wednesday...and would I like to go, she wonders. Whoa. A musician who hit the big time after being discovered by Scrubs star Zach Braff...who played at Ellen Degeneres's wedding...who has toured with Sheryl Crow...would stoop to play a dank, college-town hole-in-the-wall for a hundred or so people? The dive that is typically home to such stunning acts as Psychedelic Horsesh*t, F**ked Up, and Kickass Tarantulas? You betcha. I felt privileged to be there. And Joshua had the greatest compliment for the audience: "You guys have been great to play for. You actually listen." Wh...

The most recent Henry joke: Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor? A: Because it wasn't peeling well. ********** Henry sat at the table, waiting for his dinner and angelically singing a catchy little tune about the days of the week. "Sun-day, Mon-day, Tues-day, Wed-nes-day, Thurs-day, Fri-day, Sa-tur-dayyyyy" Awww, I thought. How sweet. Then Tim asked with a mischievous grin, "Hey Henry, what was that song we were learning in the car on the way home?" Henry thought for a moment, then belted out in a growling baritone that more likely belonged in a biker bar: "Ya got mud on ya face, ya big disgrrrrace...kickin' ya can all over the place." My 4-year-old. The new star of classic rock. (For my mother and others of a certain age--or, maybe, rabid Josh Groban fans--who have no clue what I'm talking about, click here .)

Here’s what I’d like to call Stuff That Drives Me Nuts. I’ve included eight. There are many more. So I’m sure you will be seeing sequels to this. Stuff That Drives Me Nuts, Part II? Son of Stuff That Drives Me Nuts? Stuff That Drives Me Even Nuttier? You may be thinking that my obsession about such matters makes me wacko to begin with. Probably so. I’m going to rant anyway. Sit back, get comfortable, take notes. And please, do not go back into the archives of my blog in search of instances where I’ve committed my own infractions. Because then I’ll tell you to get a hobby. 1. Orientate is a bad, bad word. Orient is a fine word, meaning to get your bearings (or, literally, to find “east”). As Chicago Manual of Style (CMS) put it, unless you’re using the word orientate in the sense “to face or turn to the east,” do not use it. 2. Here’s another offender: irregardless. It is a word, but it sounds ridiculous. Sources say it probably developed by combining irrespective and regardless. Given ...

My husband has a not-so-secret dream: to be a pooch photographer, a camera guy for the canine crew. Check it out. You'll also see a lovely Day at the Spa before-and-after of our terrier-ist, Maggie.

Sometime between the year I was in third grade and right this second, history changed. Or at least the way we refer to history in published works. Or at least the way certain politically correct, forward-thinking secularists would like us to refer to history. And I’m all for the secularists – you know, those bleeding-heart, pro-evolution, tofu-eating, antiestablishment heretics. Or whatever. Actually, I don’t know who decided this change was a good idea. I’m not even sure how I feel about it. But I ran into it at work, and I decided I needed to write a wordy, rambling blog post about it. Lucky you, reader. Here’s the change: The Chicago Manual of Style , in its Numbers chapter (9.38, specifically), lists as the top common way to designate an era in the Western world… CE: of the common era BCE: before the common era I swear, honest to Pete, I’d never run across this until last week. What happened to AD (in the year of the Lord) and BC (before Christ)? I’m guessing I know why the Christi...

Henry shared with us the latest discovery on his path to finding a sense of humor: Q: What do cows do for fun? A: They go to the mooooooovies! (and then, for 20 minutes after, we get to hear him moooooing hysterically) **************** On Friday evening, as Henry was eating dinner, we started discussing where meat comes from. Here's how it went. Henry: So does the meat grow in their tummy and then we get it that way? Mommy: Not exactly, no. What happens is farmers raise the cows until they get really big, then ... uh, we, uh... (ok, so I stumbled for a bit, then decided there was no way to sugar-coat it and was totally honest with him) then they go to a place where they are killed and cut up and sent to the store where we buy it and cook it and eat it. Henry: (Speechless, screwing up his face and, for a brief moment, turning slightly green) Mommy: Are you OK? Does that bother you? I know it sounds kind of gross and mean. Do you want to be a vegetarian now? Henry: (Still scrunching ...

I seem to discover awesome songs a year or two after they are released. Oh well, better late than never. My latest favorite is Closer by Joshua Radin, a tune that apparently was featured on the NBC show Scrubs (which I don't watch, so how would I have known?). The song's youthful and angsty and melancholy melodic. Love it! YouTube won't let me embed the video, but click here to watch it. As a quirky aside, Joshua performed (a different song) at Portia and Ellen's wedding in August. so, we're alone again i wish it were over we seem to never end only get closer to the point where i can take no more the clouds in your eyes down your face they pour won't you be the new one burn to shine i take the blue ones every time walk me down your broken line all you have to do is cry hush my baby now your talking is just noise and won't lay me down amongst your toys in a room where i can take no more the clouds in your eyes down your face they pour won't you be the ...

My dog’s going under the knife today. Or, more accurately, the emory board. She’s being put under anesthesia…to have what amounts to a glorified pedicure. We don’t normally go to these extremes for her general grooming; she’s not that kind of dog. She’s terrier tough, not poodle priss. However, even scrappy terriers, in their haste to scramble for the critters in the backyard, can rip up their do-claws (the little extra, thumb-like nail on the insides of their front paws that some breeders have removed when the pups are just days old to avoid these kinds of issues). Maggie tore hers to the quick, and now it’s rough and tender and bleeds without warning. She won’t even let us touch it, therefore, the trip for Emergency Salon & Spa Care. I’m nervous for her. I hope she handles the anesthesia OK. You know, you hear those horror stories of the beloved new pet going in to get neutered and dying on the table. All of this headache for a torn toenail. It’s our fault, really. If we learned ...

Thanks to my friend Anne, who passed along some exciting -- and much overdue -- news after reading my blog post about Mental Health Awareness Week. It seems that in addition to bailing out Wall Street and whoever else got into hot water over the recent financial crisis, the Legislature's just-passed rescue bill had a few extras attached. While some people might call it pork, we call it progress. The Senate and the House of Representatives passed a bipartisan, compromise piece of legislation known as the Paul Wellstone and Pete Domenici Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act of 2008 as part of the financial bailout. President Bush signed the bill into law. So FINALLY, it is against the law for employers and insurers to impose stricter limits on coverage for mental health and substance-use conditions than those set for other health problems. Officials say it will provide parity for 82 million Americans covered by self-insured plans and another 31 million in plans subject to ...

You knew there was something special about this week, didn't you. You might think I'm talking about the fact that it is National Metric Week. Or maybe it's because it's National 4-H Week. Or, maybe you got confused and were thinking of next week...in the UK...when those crafty Brits will be celebrating their own National Knitting Week. But no, I'm reminding you again of this year's installment of Mental Illness Awareness Week, Oct. 5-11. Since 1990 (the year I graduated from college but 12 years before I received my first diagnosis), mental health advocates across the country have joined together during the first week of October to remind the world that we're people, too. Or something like that. People with my specific, most recent diagnosis actually get a whole day within the week. Bonus! Bipolar Disorder Awareness Day is held each year on the Thursday of awareness week. So, live it up, people. Are you depressed? Do you clean obsessively? Hoard pets? Drink ...

I ran a 5K this morning; it's the big fund-raiser for the local schools. I don't know how much money they'll actually raise though, because yesterday when I went to pick up my packet, they didn't have any record that I'd registered. Then they said that they couldn't find the registration forms -- or the money -- for anyone who registered through Running Wild, the local running store. They went ahead and got me registered but did not make me pay again. I hope they find the dough eventually. Losing the money for a fund-raiser sort of defeats the purpose. At any rate, I ran 3.1 miles in 37.40. It was a minute slower than the Labor Day race I ran, but I felt more comfortable and less like I might pass out at the finish line. The guy who placed first in the 5K did it in something like 15 minutes, Tim said. I feel like the tortoise, to everyone else's hare, but I did finish. It's a great atmosphere; someone told me it was the single largest community participa...

Thanks to one of my fantastic new -- and like-minded -- coworkers for this Friday funny.