WanderingAmylessly 2.0

Never have I been more excited about and looking forward to an 8-hour car trip that I have today, 1 day before my vacay begins. It's turning out to be a day of grouchy messages from managers and conversations I wish I'd never heard. And now, I find out there's a Charlie Sheen virus spreading rampant on Facebook. Stop the madness. Spring break, here I come.

I just saw a woman's foot in the stall next to me in the bathroom, tapping away. Later, I watched the owner of said foot walk out of the bathroom, bopping away with her iPod earbuds in. Is one's life so in need of a music soundtrack, one must not put down one's portable music player to do one's bathroom business? Really? I've heard of people talking on the phone, too. If you are ever on the phone with me while you're in the can, hang up on me. Seriously. I'll forgive you. I do not understand the kind of urgency that anyone must feel to both converse and well, you know. I've also seen women applying makeup while driving their cars. I've seen men playing trash can basketball while on a conference call. There are probably people out there who listen to their iPod in one ear while listening to a conference call through another, while driving and applying makeup. Throw in "passing through the drive through for a quick bite of lunch" and you have...

Tonight, we're going to Henry's first-grade music program. Have any of you heard my beautiful child sing? Let's just say he inherited his parents' lack of vocal talent. He gives it his all. Off key. But all the while genuinely trying his best. When he's not tapping his neighbor on the shoulder or fiddling with his shoelaces or wiping his nose on his sleeve. I'm actually looking forward to it. I remember last year's concert was more amusing for its accidentally comedic moments than for its stellar pitch. Kids totally not paying attention, having side conversations during the choruses, trying really hard not to beat each other with the wooden blocks they were using as noisemakers, picking noses, wriggling in itchy clothes. That was kindergarten. I'm fully insisting that first grade's when we start seeing the Justin Biebers-in-training hit the scene. Too bad we cut H's hair. In addition to the entertainment, we're also going this evening because...

A Circle of Useless Facts to Fill Up Your Brain... Denny's Grand Slam breakfast made its debut in 1977. There are 27 sovereign member states of the European union -- 20 republics, 6 kingdoms, and 1 grand duchy. A grand duchy, sometimes referred to as a grand dukedom, is a territory whose head of state is a monarch, either a grand duke or grand duchess. Genevieve Guidroz, born Aug. 7, 1932 in Berwick, Louisiana, is better known as the grand dame of dieting: Jenny Craig. She started her company in 1983 in Australia with her husband Sidney and started in the U.S. two years later. Jenny Craig Inc. has been part of Nestlé Nutrition since 2006. Nestlé HealthCare Nutrition employs 2,500 people in approximately 30 countries, with global headquarters Switzerland and North American headquarters in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Nutritional Information for a Grand Slam: a Belgian Waffle Slam with margarine but no syrup is 1,030 calories.

Click here for an amusing example of office passive aggressiveness.

Our company rewards us quarterly for our hard work and dedication to the company by hosting "Treat Day." This is a day where the company provides sugary snacks to employees. This is the same company that has been sending us nutritional pamphlets and books on how to be healthier. This is the same company that has been advertising its upcoming participation in a Global Corporate Health Challenge. This is the same company that bemoans the fact its health care premiums are skyrocketing because its employees are so sedentary and fat and generally unhealthy. Makes perfect sense, eh. Used to be that the company would also provide apples on "Treat Day" so that those trying to watch their calories would have a reward as well. The company stopped doing that. When no one ate the fruit. So here I sit, on "Treat Day," having to deal with the fact that a giant plate of cream cheese brownies is sitting in the empty cube right next to me. Truthfully, I'm not that temp...

...until Henry and I (and the two dogs) hit the road for Spring Break! Tim's teaching a photo class that week, so we're on our own. Where are we going? What exotic locale have we chosen? Kansas. I know. You're overtaken with envy. Try not to hate us too much. Actually, I'm extremely excited to go on this trip. I get to see my parents, Henry spends time with his grandparents, and I get some freedom to go shopping or to movies or to knit or read while the kiddo's entertained by people who adore him. I adore him too, but I already get to experience his wonder and brilliance 24/7/365. I'll give someone else a chance! We'll also hit the tourist venues of the Wichita metropolitan area. I hope the weather's nice. We're planning to visit the zoo, the children's museum, and mini-golf, for starters. Anyone else out there have ideas? I'm open to suggestions. Five glorious days away from work...that's the true joy of vacation. It doesn't really m...

Everyone get out your party hats and noisemakers! Friday is National Grammar Day!!! I'm giving you ample warning. You have no excuses. You WILL be celebrating, won't you?! Just say no to split infinitives. Don't dare end a sentence with a preposition. Watch out for subject/verb agreement. To check out Grammar Girl's festivities, click here . To enter a grammar day contest, click here . To see how another blogger marks the occasion, click here . (Truthfully, I have no idea who the hell Betsy is, but I'm sure she's a fine person.) To buy your favorite copy editor kewl stuff, click here . Finally, remember this: "I'm the grammar snob about whom your mother warned you." Learn it. Know it. Live it.