I know what I said before, about never watching Dancing with the Stars again -- after my favorite dancer (and we all know the most talented of the motley bunch) Sabrina Bryan got booted right off her chacha in an early round.
You knew I was bluffing.
Last night, the show announced contestants for its upcoming season, which begins March 17 on ABC. And oh, what an intriguing lineup. Among them are an NFL great, an Olympic gold metalist, a grunting tennis has-been, a deaf woman, a couple actors, some Latin heartthrob, one half of a Vegas comedy act, a hiphop artist, a Tony-award winner, and a smart-talking radio personality.
Oh. And. The. Wife. Of. THE. KING.
Like I could stay away from that.
Here are the contestants and the order in which I predict they will get voted off the dance floor:
Monica Seles -- She's bitchy. She's grunty. She's washed up and needed quick cash. I can't see this going anywhere good.
Penn Jillette -- Unless Teller's his surprise partner, he'll be way out of his element. Plus, I look at him and the one word that comes to mind: lumbering.
Cristian De La Fuente -- Fuego. Fuego. Hothothot. This boy is sex-ee. But you need fans to get far, and my only thought when I saw him (after saying HOT about six times) was, "Who?"
Steve Guttenberg -- How many Police Academy movies did this guy do? I am just shaking my head.
Shannon Elizabeth -- She was in American Pie. That's all I know about her. I think men drool and such when she's mentioned. But men don't watch this show. Do they?
Priscilla Presley -- Elvis's ex and the oldest contestant will offer a gawker's delight. I don't think it'll give her much advantage; she seems too quiet and demure to tango with gusto.
Marlee Matlin -- She may not be able to hear, but this Oscar-winning actress can FEEL, as in "the beat." That's what will get her farther than people expect.
Adam Carolla -- He's funny, he's obnoxious, and he's got the partner who's won the past two seasons. But I question whether he can take anything seriously. And you need a serious lot of dedication to successfully rumba or paso doble.
Mario -- Not to be confused with Mario Lopez, the guy who came in second a couple years ago, this is a hip hop performer. Which could be good. Or bad. Just ask Sabrina.
Marissa Jaret Winokur -- She won a Tony on Broadway for her role in Hairspray. She's got that stage presence, inherent talent, and she's a cutie with a bright smile and all-American appeal.
Jason Taylor -- This Miami Dolphins defensive end, who won NFL's Man of the Year in '07, will make the finals. This is purely based on how well football stars tend to do. They make it OK to be light in your loafers.
Kristi Yamaguchi -- This woman danced her way to a Gold medal in the Olympics, and she did it on ICE. I have no doubt she's the one to beat. I predict she'll be the first woman to win since the first season (When Playboy poser Kelly Monaco won. And now all those guys out there can bemoan the severe lack of playmates in this season's cast).
You knew I was bluffing.
Last night, the show announced contestants for its upcoming season, which begins March 17 on ABC. And oh, what an intriguing lineup. Among them are an NFL great, an Olympic gold metalist, a grunting tennis has-been, a deaf woman, a couple actors, some Latin heartthrob, one half of a Vegas comedy act, a hiphop artist, a Tony-award winner, and a smart-talking radio personality.
Oh. And. The. Wife. Of. THE. KING.
Like I could stay away from that.
Here are the contestants and the order in which I predict they will get voted off the dance floor:
Monica Seles -- She's bitchy. She's grunty. She's washed up and needed quick cash. I can't see this going anywhere good.
Penn Jillette -- Unless Teller's his surprise partner, he'll be way out of his element. Plus, I look at him and the one word that comes to mind: lumbering.
Cristian De La Fuente -- Fuego. Fuego. Hothothot. This boy is sex-ee. But you need fans to get far, and my only thought when I saw him (after saying HOT about six times) was, "Who?"
Steve Guttenberg -- How many Police Academy movies did this guy do? I am just shaking my head.
Shannon Elizabeth -- She was in American Pie. That's all I know about her. I think men drool and such when she's mentioned. But men don't watch this show. Do they?
Priscilla Presley -- Elvis's ex and the oldest contestant will offer a gawker's delight. I don't think it'll give her much advantage; she seems too quiet and demure to tango with gusto.
Marlee Matlin -- She may not be able to hear, but this Oscar-winning actress can FEEL, as in "the beat." That's what will get her farther than people expect.
Adam Carolla -- He's funny, he's obnoxious, and he's got the partner who's won the past two seasons. But I question whether he can take anything seriously. And you need a serious lot of dedication to successfully rumba or paso doble.
Mario -- Not to be confused with Mario Lopez, the guy who came in second a couple years ago, this is a hip hop performer. Which could be good. Or bad. Just ask Sabrina.
Marissa Jaret Winokur -- She won a Tony on Broadway for her role in Hairspray. She's got that stage presence, inherent talent, and she's a cutie with a bright smile and all-American appeal.
Jason Taylor -- This Miami Dolphins defensive end, who won NFL's Man of the Year in '07, will make the finals. This is purely based on how well football stars tend to do. They make it OK to be light in your loafers.
Kristi Yamaguchi -- This woman danced her way to a Gold medal in the Olympics, and she did it on ICE. I have no doubt she's the one to beat. I predict she'll be the first woman to win since the first season (When Playboy poser Kelly Monaco won. And now all those guys out there can bemoan the severe lack of playmates in this season's cast).
Comments