Skip to main content

Avian Update

I arrived at work Monday morning to find the following in my e-mail inbox.

From Facilities:

The birds were all dead by the time the pest control company arrived. There was no chirping. They were not able to determine how the birds were getting in, but they will be back over the weekend to follow up on the issue.

So let's break this down sentence by sentence.

The birds were all dead. That is, birds, plural, and all, indicating quite a few (more than just two or three). So we had a mass grave up there above the ceiling tiles. Lovely.

There was no chirping. Not to be picky, but this is a bit of redundant information. Since ALL the BIRDS were DEAD.

They were not able to determine how the birds were getting in. Yeah, here's how that went:

Thing 1 on a ladder: How do you suppose they're getting in?
Thing 2 looking up at Thing 1: Dunno. Can you see anything up there?
Thing 1 on a ladder: Nope. Don't see holes or nuthin'.
Thing 2 looking up at Thing 1: Well, don't that beat all.

They will be back over the weekend to follow up on the issue. Translated to regular-speak: They aren't coming back unless we report more chirping, in which case they'll bring over a big sprayer filled with bird poison to kill them. Unless they don't get over here in time.

In which case the birds will be dead already. And how will they know that ALL the birds are DEAD?

You got it. No chirping.

In the meantime, I'll be curious to see if and how someone answers this question online.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ho, Ho, Ho, How Many Times Can I Use "I'm too busy" as an Excuse?

I haven't had time to write. Work, swim meet volunteering, holiday decorating and shopping. But truthfully, I've not been in much of a mood to write anything anyway. Last night we put up the tree and Santa chachkies, and I drank my first egg nog of the season, so perhaps I'll be in a cheerier mood. Also, I have spent some time writing the annual Schoon holiday newsletter. If you happen to get a copy, treat it like a drinking game. Every time I make you roll your eyes, take a drink. Nog, wassail, Everclear. Whatever gets you through. One sure way to assist with merriment motivation is listening to Christmas carols. I'm not going to get into a debate over what truly constitutes a carol. You can "Jesus is the reason for the season" yourself until you turn blue; I generally lean toward the secular end of the holiday tune spectrum. And if you just gasped at my use of holiday instead of Christmas, go suck on a candy cane. It's my blog and my opinions. Deal. ...
2 comments
Read more

IHATE IHOP Update

Tim went a few rounds, verbally, with the IHOP manager on Sunday and ended up getting our meal for half price. He still had to pay, though. I do not think that these people understand the severity of their incompetence. Or perhaps they just do not care. Someone commented to us that perhaps we should tell the IHOP folks what happened to the last restaurant that did us wrong. Recall the lactating masses who came out in support of us when we were booted from Hoover House restaurant in West Branch because I refused to breastfeed my baby in the bathroom? Remember the stories that ran in every newspaper and on every TV news show in the state -- and beyond? I'd like to point out that the Hoover House (which interestingly enough doubled as a venue for wet T-shirt contests on weekends) went out of business after our little incident. And for those of you who were befuddled and wondering how the police got involved on Sunday...someone from IHOP took the time to run out and write down our lice...
8 comments
Read more

Who knew...

'Tis the season for bridal bliss. 'Tis also the season for the accompanying reception dance. And what's a wedding reception without that most unique of all marriage celebration dance numbers: The Chicken Dance. You know the drill. Polka starts, beak-quacking hand gestures, flapping, butt shimmying, and clapping ensue. A fun time is had by all (especially if there's an open bar). What you may not know is that: 1. This oom-pah song's origins rest with a Swiss according player named Werner Thomas who wrote it, most accounts say, in the 1950s. It originally was called the Duck Dance. 2. It is NOT German or Austrian, despite the images its roll-out-the-barrel-ish feelings it might conjure up. 3. A fellow named Norm Edlebeck, who was a bandleader from Wisconsin, introduced America to the Chicken Dance on TV's PM Magazine in 1982. 4. More than 140 versions of it have been recorded worldwide, including Walt Disney Records, together making more than 40,000,000 records (o...
2 comments
Read more