"When your happy hour cocktail includes ibuprofen, you know you're getting old."
"Real life doesn't have a process document. You just deal with it."
"She used to give me a hard time until she realized I enjoy the fight. Now she leaves me alone."
"Someone scheduled a meeting. And forgot to invite the meeting leader."
"This skirt is from high school. It just keeps giving and giving! The waistline keeps giving and giving, too..."
"The very last thing I'd ever think to do when I'm on vacation is check my work e-mail. What is WRONG with him?"