Humor, Holiday Style

If you're in the mood for some stress-relieving amusement, I'd suggest checking out the Butterball Holiday Checklist. I know. Doesn't sound like a document chock full of hilarity. But give it a peek. I hooted out loud at work while reading it (that's what we idiots who don't have sense enough to take a vacay day on Thanksgiving eve do all day).

Among the highlights:

-- The checklist begins two to three weeks before the big day, with planning your menu, creating a list of everything you'll need, and taking inventory to make sure you have things like matching silverware and a gravy boat. Damn. I was already screwed weeks ago.

-- Last Thursday was National Thaw Day! I didn't get the memo. I didn't even buy my bird until Saturday night. Hope it isn't still a turkeysicle tomorrow morning.

-- A week before Thanksgiving...iron your tablecloth and cloth napkins. (This is where I really started to bust a gut from the side-splitting laughter.)

-- Decorate the house with gourds and Indian corn and make place cards. Totally forgot the gourds. I'm such a sucky hostess.

-- Pick out my outfit and iron it. What is with the ironing obsession? What's a few wrinkles among relatives, really?

-- Clear out the coat closet for guest coats. And where, may I ask, am I supposed to put all the crap I clear out of the closet? How about shoving it under the bed? That's classy.

-- And this is my favorite: Get everyone involved! Assign someone in the family to greet guests, someone to take coats, someone to pass around appetizers, someone to share the flask with, someone to make fun of Uncle George with, someone to make sure you don't go after Auntie Edna with the meat cleaver...

The one thing this brilliant checklist didn't tell me? How long to cook the turkey. I guess that's a different checklist.

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