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Wipe that smile off your face

I think they should do a poll. A survey. I'm not even sure who "they" are, but I'd just like to know what percentage of time most people's toilet paper spends actually on the little spinny roll fastened to the wall.

I'd guess about 97 percent of the time ours sits on the bathroom countertop. Are we too lazy to place it in its correct spot? Do we just not get enough squeezing-the-Charmin time if it's on the dispenser?

Or maybe we really enjoy reaching for our toothpaste or our glasses or our hair brush in the morning and accidentally knocking a whole roll of toilet paper into...the toilet.

We must love that. Because we've done it at least twice in the last week. The first time, it got fished out of the toilet and plopped into the trash can. The second time, I threw it directly into a plastic bag (along with the one that was still in the trash and had developed a nice blue, fuzzy mold along one edge) and slammed it all in the big garbage.

And then I made a sort of jihad-style declaration (while at the same time slamming around various toiletries): "That's it! There will BE no more PAPER off the ROLL!!!"

I'm not delusional enough to think this was the last time something will get knocked in the potty. I've gone fishing for nail clippers, combs, a perfume bottle (whole new take on toilet water), even a toothbrush (no fear, I tossed it). But there's just something unmentionably nauseating about retrieving a soaking wet lump of bath tissue from the porcelain bowl.

One slightly positive note. It had been freshly flushed.

The blog post was going to end there. However, while Googling to come up with a clever headline, I ran across this little gem. ToiletPaperWorld: a site devoted to fun facts, surveys, stories, manufacturers, worldwide info, and something the site developers call "Zingers."

Enjoy this Turkish Proverb -- May your life be long and useful like a roll of toilet paper.

Comments

FletcherDodge said…
Hmmm... maybe close the lid?

Just sayin'
Amy said…
If men and women can't agree on whether the seat should be up or down, do you really think that putting the lid down is an option? In an ideal world, I'm sure...

Just sayin'
Brianne said…
No more wire hangers! :) Sorry, I couldn't resist. I've knocked tp into the toilet before, too. Also a little ceramic thing that broke and I had to fish out the broken pieces. That was gross.

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