I thought I was watching one of the top 10 most horrible moments in the history of pop culture. I thought I was watching Marie Osmond die, live on national television.
Luckily, the Dancing With the Stars contestant was just having a post-Samba, California-wildfire-induced asthma attack and passed out. But that was one freaky unsettling - and quite extended - commercial break.
I thought this was just a dancing show, where some wanna-bes and some has-beens learn to ballroom while trying to boost up or resurrect their careers. However, I'm finding that there's quite a bit of off-stage (or, in last night's case, right there live in technicolor) drama that rivals the plot twists and turns of any fictional show.
For instance:
-- Jane Seymour's mom died a couple weeks ago, so she had to drag her partner to England, and now her husband evaded the cops and is in their California home trying to save it from the wildfires.
-- There's quite the weird factor going on between professional dancers Julianne Hough, Derek Hough and Mark Ballas. Take a deep breath before trying to keep up with this: Julianne and Derek are siblings. Derek and Mark are best friends. Julianne and Derek took dance classes from Mark's parents, who are world-renowned dance champions. Mark and Julianne are former world-title-winning partners. Derek and Mark have a band together called "Almost Amy" (kewl, eh?). Julianne was last year's champion with Apolo Ohno, and the two were rumored to be having a romantic thing, but they insisted they were not; however, she is now claiming she is single, whereas last season she insisted she was engaged to some nice Mormon boy. This season, Mark seems poised to take the title from his former partner with Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan -- and those two cannot keep their hands or their lips off each other and, in the words of host Tom Bergeron, "should get a room." Meantime, Julianne doesn't have the chemistry with her current partner, race car driver Helio Castroneves, that she had with Apolo and her old partner is shagging his new girl...notice that she just doesn't seem to have the same bubbly zest she did last season...
-- Jennie Garth, the former 90210 star, fell on her butt in week 2. Most of the time she looks like she has something uncomfortable stuck there. And she seems like such a prude for a TV soap actress. Her partner, who is a nice Mormon boy, told her to learn how to "shake your fun stuff."
-- Mark Cuban, the owner of the Dallas Mavericks, can't dance. Hey, he can barely walk, since he's just recovered from hip replacement surgery. Still people vote for him. He's got a bazillion dollars. He's probably hired people to vote for him.
-- There have been problems with booking big name acts for the results shows. Last week, Gloria Estefan canceled because her mother is ill. And Jennifer Lopez had to tape her performance, which will air tonight, last week because of a family illness, too.
Life is wacky for everyone. Even washed-up or B-list stars.
I just have one request: Marie, take your inhaler before you perform next time. If you die, the pity votes won't count for much.
Luckily, the Dancing With the Stars contestant was just having a post-Samba, California-wildfire-induced asthma attack and passed out. But that was one freaky unsettling - and quite extended - commercial break.
I thought this was just a dancing show, where some wanna-bes and some has-beens learn to ballroom while trying to boost up or resurrect their careers. However, I'm finding that there's quite a bit of off-stage (or, in last night's case, right there live in technicolor) drama that rivals the plot twists and turns of any fictional show.
For instance:
-- Jane Seymour's mom died a couple weeks ago, so she had to drag her partner to England, and now her husband evaded the cops and is in their California home trying to save it from the wildfires.
-- There's quite the weird factor going on between professional dancers Julianne Hough, Derek Hough and Mark Ballas. Take a deep breath before trying to keep up with this: Julianne and Derek are siblings. Derek and Mark are best friends. Julianne and Derek took dance classes from Mark's parents, who are world-renowned dance champions. Mark and Julianne are former world-title-winning partners. Derek and Mark have a band together called "Almost Amy" (kewl, eh?). Julianne was last year's champion with Apolo Ohno, and the two were rumored to be having a romantic thing, but they insisted they were not; however, she is now claiming she is single, whereas last season she insisted she was engaged to some nice Mormon boy. This season, Mark seems poised to take the title from his former partner with Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan -- and those two cannot keep their hands or their lips off each other and, in the words of host Tom Bergeron, "should get a room." Meantime, Julianne doesn't have the chemistry with her current partner, race car driver Helio Castroneves, that she had with Apolo and her old partner is shagging his new girl...notice that she just doesn't seem to have the same bubbly zest she did last season...
-- Jennie Garth, the former 90210 star, fell on her butt in week 2. Most of the time she looks like she has something uncomfortable stuck there. And she seems like such a prude for a TV soap actress. Her partner, who is a nice Mormon boy, told her to learn how to "shake your fun stuff."
-- Mark Cuban, the owner of the Dallas Mavericks, can't dance. Hey, he can barely walk, since he's just recovered from hip replacement surgery. Still people vote for him. He's got a bazillion dollars. He's probably hired people to vote for him.
-- There have been problems with booking big name acts for the results shows. Last week, Gloria Estefan canceled because her mother is ill. And Jennifer Lopez had to tape her performance, which will air tonight, last week because of a family illness, too.
Life is wacky for everyone. Even washed-up or B-list stars.
I just have one request: Marie, take your inhaler before you perform next time. If you die, the pity votes won't count for much.
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