Happy Holiday, from David Letterman

Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear At A July Fourth Barbecue

10. "Beef is great, but squirrel's so much cheaper."
9. "Take a photo of me lighting this cigar with an M-80."
8. "To give it a little 'kick,' I put charcoal starter in the punch."
7. "Oh God, Letterman's shirtless again."
6. "I'd like to tell you why scientology is so important to me."
5. "Hey look, it's Earnest Borgnine--oh, sorry lady."
4. "All right, detainees, line up over here for your gitmo-style powdered baked beans."
3. "I'm afraid the only fireworks tonight are between me and your wife."
2. "My hot dog has a knuckle."
1. "I don't think that's mayonnaise in the cole slaw."

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