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Another day

I can't breathe.
My chest aches.
My head hurts.
I feel stupid. And ugly. And worthless.
The one freelance assignment I have to work on right now is a mess. I can't put two sentences together. I struggle to find the words.
I watch my child throw a tantrum and think, "Is that my fault? Did he get that from me?"
I look at my husband and think, "He deserves a better wife than me. One who can stick with a job and be happy and normal."
What do I want? What would make me happy? What would make it easier for me to get through an entire day without doubt or hate or tears?

I don't know.

I'm beginning to think there is no answer. For any of it.

Comments

AnneR said…
There's no one answer, Amy. Maybe there are many little answers, little things that together make the breathing and the moving easier. A job is just a job--it's not who you are, it's not what you're worth to others. I've had lots of days when freelancing was my only gig when I had nothing, nada, zilch to work on. At least my laundry got done on those days...
1:34 PM
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