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What on Earth have we done?!

What?
That can't be.
Say it isn't so.

Yesterday, a news headline shook my world - indeed, my entire universe - to its core. The International Astronomical Union announced that after 76 years as one of the nine planets in our Solar System, it turns out that Pluto is not actually a planet.

According to Wikipedia, a planet within our solar system is defined by the International Astronomical Union as a "celestial body that is in orbit around the Sun, has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape, and has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit."

Somewhere along the line Pluto failed some galactical test and no longer fits that definition. While it does orbit the Sun and has that sufficient mass, it apparently doesn't fulfill the third condition: who are the celestial bodies in your neighborhood (sing along, Sesame Street fans!). It has been reclassified as a "dwarf planet."

I won't get into questions as to whether the use of the word "dwarf" is politically correct. Perhaps we should call it a "little" planet. I'm simply not ready to yank it from the list I learned in Mrs. Johnston's second-grade class, while sitting beneath a large mobile of varying-sized and -colored spheres suspended from the ceiling.

Mercury - smallest planet
Venus - brightest object in the night sky, after the Moon
Earth - our orb
Mars - where girls go to get more candy bars
Jupiter - where boys go to get more stupider
Saturn - the funky one with the rings
Uranus - be careful how you pronounce this one
Neptune - named after the Roman god of the sea

PLUTOPLUTOPLUTO!!! Even though it's a little guy, said to have an eccentric orbit, and it has three big moons. It also is named after a Roman god. Mickey Mouse's dog shares its name, for pete's sake. And the way we remember the names and order of the planets will never be the same without the P of Pluto. Imagine life without these mnemonic aids:

My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us Nine Planets
Mother Very Easily Made a Jam Sandwich Using No Peanut-butter
Mary's Violet Eyes Make John Stay Up Nights, Period
My Very Elegant Mother Just Served Us Nine Pies
My Very Easy Method: Just Set Up Nine Planets
Mary Very Early Makes Jesus Study Until Night Prayers

The first spacecraft scheduled to visit Pluto is already on its way there. The mission launched last January; the closest approach to Pluto is estimated to be July 14, 2015. I wonder if NASA will try to figure out a way to turn the craft around and bring it home. Now that snooty stargazer types say Pluto isn't worth the effort.

Comments

Brianne said…
I totally agree. "Planet" is still part of its classified name. Why remove it from The Nine?? I personally refuse to acknowledge this radical decision.

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