Then God spoke all these words, saying:
Original: I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.
Updated: I am the idiot, your President, who brought you into the land of Allah, into the land which had no WMDs.
O: You shall have no other gods before me
U: You shall have no other Presidents before me – maybe Puppeteers Karl Rove and Dick Cheney – But not other Presidents.
O: You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name.
U: Don’t use the Lord’s name as a swear word. Use a real cuss word like shit or sonofabitch, but never Goddamn. Mama will warsh y’er mouth out with talk like that.
O: Remember the sabbath day, and keep it holy.
U: Don’t work on Sunday. Unless you’re planning strategic attacks around the world and hoping to buy a “My president went to Baghdad and all he got me was this lousy” t-shirt.
O: Honour your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
U: Yea, though I walk through the Rose Garden of the White Palace, I don’t forget my Mama and Daddy and the way they told me not to slouch or chew with my mouth open.
O: You shall not murder.
U: Don’t kill people. Get someone else to do it for you.
O: You shall not commit adultery.
U: Be faithful to your wife. Even if you were drunk or high at the time you met, proposed or stood at an altar with her.
O: You shall not steal.
U: Don’t take stuff that don’t belong to you. Unless no one will ever find out.
O: You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.
U: Don’t falsely witness your neighbors’ bear against anything.
O: You shall not covet your neighbour’s house, wife, slave, ox, donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbour.
U: No coveting the house next door. Also, no coveting the neighbor’s wife, slave, ass or anything else over there. (psst, Karl, what the hell does covet mean?)
Original: I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.
Updated: I am the idiot, your President, who brought you into the land of Allah, into the land which had no WMDs.
O: You shall have no other gods before me
U: You shall have no other Presidents before me – maybe Puppeteers Karl Rove and Dick Cheney – But not other Presidents.
O: You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name.
U: Don’t use the Lord’s name as a swear word. Use a real cuss word like shit or sonofabitch, but never Goddamn. Mama will warsh y’er mouth out with talk like that.
O: Remember the sabbath day, and keep it holy.
U: Don’t work on Sunday. Unless you’re planning strategic attacks around the world and hoping to buy a “My president went to Baghdad and all he got me was this lousy” t-shirt.
O: Honour your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
U: Yea, though I walk through the Rose Garden of the White Palace, I don’t forget my Mama and Daddy and the way they told me not to slouch or chew with my mouth open.
O: You shall not murder.
U: Don’t kill people. Get someone else to do it for you.
O: You shall not commit adultery.
U: Be faithful to your wife. Even if you were drunk or high at the time you met, proposed or stood at an altar with her.
O: You shall not steal.
U: Don’t take stuff that don’t belong to you. Unless no one will ever find out.
O: You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.
U: Don’t falsely witness your neighbors’ bear against anything.
O: You shall not covet your neighbour’s house, wife, slave, ox, donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbour.
U: No coveting the house next door. Also, no coveting the neighbor’s wife, slave, ass or anything else over there. (psst, Karl, what the hell does covet mean?)
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