David Letterman's finest...
Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Job
10. "It's a 12-hour commute each way"
9. "You know the guy who refills the ketchup bottles in the prison cafeteria? You're his assistant"
8. "You're Courtney Love's Publicist"
7. "For insurance purposes, Boss personally administers a daily physical"
6. "Sign outside your door reads, 'Jim's Office/Men's Room'"
5. "You're taken to and from work in the trunk of a car, blindfolded"
4. "Word 'throb' appears with surprising frequency in job application"
3. "You're working on Labor Day"
2. "Your name is George W. Bush (I'm Sorry, that's a sign you're doing a bad job)"
1. "You're the idiot who has to change the gas prices on the sign every 5 minutes"
Top Ten Questions in the White House Press Secretary Job Interview
10. "Does cigar smoke bother you?"
9. "How many lies per minute can you type?"
8. "You wouldn't ask a lot of questions if the President had to hide a girl in your podium, would you?"
7. "How long can you stare at Sam Donaldson without giggling at his hairpiece?"
6. "Are you willing to work for Al Gore in a few months?"
5. "Please state, in 100 words or more, absolutely nothing."
4. "Would you talk on the phone with the President while he's 'otherwise engaged'?"
3. "Do you give your word that you will do your best -- just kidding, like someone's word means anything around here."
2. "Would you mind having sex with Hillary once in a while?"
1. "Is your wife cute?"
Top Ten Signs Your New Job Isn't Working Out
10. You have a desk, but no chair
9. Co-workers always punching you in the stomach
8. You see CBS Chairman Larry Tisch having dinner with Conan O'Brien
7. You get stung by a bee (not really a sign your new job isn't working out, but just as upsetting)
6. You work for NASA and your title is "Executive in charge of space probe quality control"
5. After work, you go nuts and throw firecrackers into a crowd of people
4. Your company physical is scheduled with Dr. Kevorkian
3. People start saying maybe they should have elected our wife Hillary president
2. In your one-page performance report, the word "sucks" appears twelve times
1. Your office nickname: "Deadwood"
Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Job
10. "It's a 12-hour commute each way"
9. "You know the guy who refills the ketchup bottles in the prison cafeteria? You're his assistant"
8. "You're Courtney Love's Publicist"
7. "For insurance purposes, Boss personally administers a daily physical"
6. "Sign outside your door reads, 'Jim's Office/Men's Room'"
5. "You're taken to and from work in the trunk of a car, blindfolded"
4. "Word 'throb' appears with surprising frequency in job application"
3. "You're working on Labor Day"
2. "Your name is George W. Bush (I'm Sorry, that's a sign you're doing a bad job)"
1. "You're the idiot who has to change the gas prices on the sign every 5 minutes"
Top Ten Questions in the White House Press Secretary Job Interview
10. "Does cigar smoke bother you?"
9. "How many lies per minute can you type?"
8. "You wouldn't ask a lot of questions if the President had to hide a girl in your podium, would you?"
7. "How long can you stare at Sam Donaldson without giggling at his hairpiece?"
6. "Are you willing to work for Al Gore in a few months?"
5. "Please state, in 100 words or more, absolutely nothing."
4. "Would you talk on the phone with the President while he's 'otherwise engaged'?"
3. "Do you give your word that you will do your best -- just kidding, like someone's word means anything around here."
2. "Would you mind having sex with Hillary once in a while?"
1. "Is your wife cute?"
Top Ten Signs Your New Job Isn't Working Out
10. You have a desk, but no chair
9. Co-workers always punching you in the stomach
8. You see CBS Chairman Larry Tisch having dinner with Conan O'Brien
7. You get stung by a bee (not really a sign your new job isn't working out, but just as upsetting)
6. You work for NASA and your title is "Executive in charge of space probe quality control"
5. After work, you go nuts and throw firecrackers into a crowd of people
4. Your company physical is scheduled with Dr. Kevorkian
3. People start saying maybe they should have elected our wife Hillary president
2. In your one-page performance report, the word "sucks" appears twelve times
1. Your office nickname: "Deadwood"
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