I just read an MSN article by some doughhead named Matt Schneiderman who wants readers to believe that he has six secret turn-ons for guys that he wants to declare to the world. I would like to know who these guys are, what kind of scientific poll they participated in, and where on earth they live. Botswana? The south pole?
Guys, tell me. Are these really turn ons, or is this guy getting paid to blow the so called smoke right up our posteriors. Our well-padded posteriors, as you'll read below.
So Matt says hair flips and batting eyelashes only work some of the time. "You'd be surprised," he says "at the things guys really can't resist about women."
1. He loves that you indulge at dinnertime. Guys love girls who love to eat—not girls who say they aren’t hungry and then pick at their date’s food all night. Oh really. Are these the same girls who run to the powder room to puke it all up ?
2. He loves your occasional obscenities. You may worry that it’s not ladylike, but occasionally letting a curse escape your lips at an unexpected moment can be a major turn-on. Swearing like a sailor makes you one of the guys. Not a sex kitten.
3. He loves that you aren’t a neat freak. Believe it or not, guys find the proliferation of hair products, accessories and unidentified stuff strewn about your apartment oddly sexy. Only because guys want permission to leave their own socks and dirty underwear lying around.
4. He loves your extra padding. Sure, you’ve heard that men love women with curves, but how about those extra pounds you’ve been trying to sweat off at the gym? There’s a good chance that your guy loves them, too. This is such -- in my so endearingly sweet way of saying it -- bullshit.
5. He’s fascinated by your knowledge of medieval tapestries. Or whatever it is that gets you all hot and bothered—whether or not he shares the same interests. This is why men yawn and scratch themselves while we're discussing scrapbooking and knitting.
6. He loves a good head rub from you. I think he means "scalp massage" but I'll refrain from any further comment, on the grounds that it may be indecent and cross the boundaries of number 2.
By the way, this Matt Schneiderman character has written for Stuff, Cargo, and Sync magazines. Three publications I have never heard of in my life.
Guys, tell me. Are these really turn ons, or is this guy getting paid to blow the so called smoke right up our posteriors. Our well-padded posteriors, as you'll read below.
So Matt says hair flips and batting eyelashes only work some of the time. "You'd be surprised," he says "at the things guys really can't resist about women."
1. He loves that you indulge at dinnertime. Guys love girls who love to eat—not girls who say they aren’t hungry and then pick at their date’s food all night. Oh really. Are these the same girls who run to the powder room to puke it all up ?
2. He loves your occasional obscenities. You may worry that it’s not ladylike, but occasionally letting a curse escape your lips at an unexpected moment can be a major turn-on. Swearing like a sailor makes you one of the guys. Not a sex kitten.
3. He loves that you aren’t a neat freak. Believe it or not, guys find the proliferation of hair products, accessories and unidentified stuff strewn about your apartment oddly sexy. Only because guys want permission to leave their own socks and dirty underwear lying around.
4. He loves your extra padding. Sure, you’ve heard that men love women with curves, but how about those extra pounds you’ve been trying to sweat off at the gym? There’s a good chance that your guy loves them, too. This is such -- in my so endearingly sweet way of saying it -- bullshit.
5. He’s fascinated by your knowledge of medieval tapestries. Or whatever it is that gets you all hot and bothered—whether or not he shares the same interests. This is why men yawn and scratch themselves while we're discussing scrapbooking and knitting.
6. He loves a good head rub from you. I think he means "scalp massage" but I'll refrain from any further comment, on the grounds that it may be indecent and cross the boundaries of number 2.
By the way, this Matt Schneiderman character has written for Stuff, Cargo, and Sync magazines. Three publications I have never heard of in my life.
Comments
1. I think he might mean girls who order things like steak instead of salad at dinner. Certainly he can't mean it how he wrote it... and yeah, those would be the girls who puke it all up afterwards. Or those girls who can eat everything in sight and not gain an ounce. Those girls make me sick. I worked with a SKINNY girl at Outback who'd eat an entire box of Pizza Rolls, a bowl of rice, a 5 oz chicken breast and tons of candy and still be hungry.
2. Right. Brett gets so mad at me when I cuss, saying, not in so many words, that it's unladylike.
3. He's always bemoaning the fact that my hair is, literally, EVERYWHERE. hahahaha Serves him right. :) He leaves clothes and dirty dishes everywhere.
4. This guy is smoking crack. I'll go awhile without working out and once I do and start to tone things up, the compliments start flowing. It's not, "Oh I liked it when you were flabbier."
5. If he's fascinated by my (coincidentally, nonexistant) knowledge of medieval tapestries, then I think he might be gay....
6. hahaha LOVE your comment on number six. But that one is true... Brett loves a good "head rub." haha No really, scalp massage.