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If he's short, this sentence you must abort...

Some judge in Lincoln, Neb., should get a dumbass award.

She sentenced a man to probation instead of prison for sexually assaulting a child because the man was too short.

District Judge Kristine Cecava said Richard Thompson's crimes deserved a long prison sentence. However, she said, at his height he was too small to survive in prison. So how tiny was this man? Was he a dwarf? An elf? A smurf?

No, ladies and gentlemen, he was 5 feet 1 inch tall. That's tall enough to ride rides at an amusement park. That's tall enough to drive a car unaided. That's only three inches shorter than me.

This 50-year-old who had sexual contact with a 12-year-old should have gotten up to 10 years behind bars for his offenses, according to sentencing guidelines.

Prison system officials scoffed at the notion that short guys can't hack it in the pokey. And State Sen. Ernie Chambers pointed out that "if shortness is an excuse and protection from going to prison, short people ought to rob banks and do everything else they would wind up going to prison for."

What, exactly, constitutes "short"? I'm a mere 5 feet 4 inches. Shaquille O'Neal probably would think me to be of diminutive stature. I think I'll go stalk Colin Farrell. Or maybe steal a Mercedes convertible. Or how about assaulting someone with a deadly weapon, just for kicks.

How tall is this Judge Cecava? What's her punishment for the crime of letting a convicted criminal go free to molest again? Forget a slap on the wrist. Cecava needs a good slap upside the head, for starters.

Comments

Brianne said…
That is flippin' ridiculous. Want a stalking partner? I'm up for stalking Colin Farrell!

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