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Here we go again

I feel like my blog is one big "Oh great, here she goes again" after another.

I feel like my life's like that, too.

Like if one more person has to hear about, or be subjected to the consequences of, my illness, I may be kicked out of the club. Whatever that club might be. Friends. Family. Coworkers who don't even know I have a mental illness, they just think I seem sad and unstable, possibly prone to flipping out and climbing a clock tower at any moment.

I cry. I yell. I fight. I say inappropriate things. I isolate. I sleep. I run away. I hide. A lot. Too much. Everything to excess.

Last night, at a special group therapy meeting for families, our instructor said something that makes me elated and annoyed and confused, all at the same time (me? really? surely not.) He said that those of us who have emotional intensity disorder "feel" too much, too strongly, too loudly. Too intensely. But while that may be destructive on the negative end of the spectrum, it's also a gift we shouldn't want to give up. The positive end involves intense creativity, compassion, passion, love.

I hope I don't push everyone away. No one will be left to share the good stuff.

Comments

Jenni said…
I'm still here. Still reading. Still waiting for emails. Gonna have to push harder, my friend.
7:21 PM
Anonymous said…
I wonder if emotional intensity disorder is akin to being a Highly Sensitive Person? There is a book about that (which I happen to have) and it is written by a Elaine Aron, PhD. There is also a website.....The Highly Sensitive Person. Worth checking out, perhaps.
8:31 PM
Brianne said…
Amy - you can't be kicked out of your family. No matter what. And believe it or not, I check your blog as often as possible eagerly looking for new posts. :) 'Cause you know, you ROCK.
8:49 AM
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