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Kleptomania

Whilst I was searching for that lovely song about the snatched bird, I discovered that many people were missing things much more importnat than a wing or drumstick. Rampant thievery, I tell you. And once again, we owe our knowledge to Google, which dug up the following from the Internet dregs:

Organized Konfusion one-upped our tune, creating "Who stole my LAST piece of chicken."

Satan Stole My Teddy Bear is a music review site.

Some sort of atmospheric science site on a University web site pondered, "Who Stole my Rain?!"

A dude named Albino Blacksheep says someone stole his HTML.

One person wrote an essay on "How Hamster Dance stole my soul."

Another claimed "Aliens stole my handbag."

A book on customer loyalty is titled, specifically enough, "Who Stole My Customer?"

Promethius stole my robot. That's what it said. Huh?

In Nigeria, a mob beat a government official to death after he was accused of causing a man's penis to disappear, prompting a story headline, "That politician stole my penis." (...on the next Jerry Springer)

Someone asked "Who Stole my Virginity?"

Yet another individual claimed "Capitalism Stole my Virginity."

'Who stole my milk' is a lovely web site about bad roommates.

One stroke victim asked, "Who stole my other side?"

A slightly delusional individual insisted "Hitler stole my belt." And wrote an entire blog post about it.

And a 1978 Mick Farren Album bore the title "Vampires Stole my Lunch Money."

Comments

Brianne said…
Whenever something goes missing, and this dates back to when I was in elementary school, I think there is no better explanation than "someone broke into the house/apartment and stole my..." whatever it may be: glasses, ring, hair tie, nail polish, shoelaces, whatever. It's just funny now but I remember a specific time when I was in 3rd grade and had misplaced my glasses (I did that a LOT back then) and I honest to god thought that someone had broken into the house just to steal my glasses.

Today I lose things that people really would want to steal which is not good. Wallet (with ID, cash, credit/debit cards, and it used to contain my birth certificate in card form and my social security card; I have since removed those), cell phone, keys...
FletcherDodge said…
A while ago I was diagnosed with a case of kleptomania. But don't worry, I'm taking something for it.

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