My husband's obsessed. It's all Tour de France, all the time in our house until at least July 24 when Lance Armstrong will win for the seventh time in a row and we'll have to hear a zillion times about how he overcame nearly unbeatable odds, losing a testicle, beating cancer, developing into a cycling legend, and bedding a rocker babe named Sheryl. Blahblahblahblah. (nevermind the fact he still had enough cajones to abandon his wife and become an absentee dad to three beautiful children so he could suck face with Ms. Crow on the Champs Elysee on international television...)
Anyway, watching all this cycling got me thinking about body hair. Cyclists shave their legs so they can become even more aerodynamic and shave thousanths of a second off their time. Does it really make a difference? I mean, really, unless you look like an ape, I can't see the need. Same with swimmers. I was reading an article about how someday, men shaving their legs, chests, backs, etc, will be as common and accepted as women shaving underarms and legs. Everyday, non-superstar-athletes will pluck and shape their brows too. Most men might even try a bikini wax.
Why, guys? Why? You've got it made right now. The least you have to do is shave your face. And sometimes, you don't even have to do that, if you're trying to attract us women fond of a five o'clock shadow. Why put all that effort into making yourselves smooth and silky when, I'd venture to guess, most women enjoy you the way you are—a little rough around the edges. We'd give anything not to have to shave every day, but society says we must. Admit it guys, a woman raises her arm and you see anything resembling stubble or more, and you make a face, crack a joke, refer to thick-necked Eastern European women named Helga.
We shave. We pluck. We go to estheticians who slap hot wax on our nether regions then rip it off, yanking skin and drawing blood in the process. We inject botox. We apply mud masks. We exfoliate. We whiten our teeth and inject collagen to form pouty kissable lips. We scrape calluses off our feet and polish our nails. We wear 5 inch heels and push-up bras and pants that suck in our tummies. We put on makeup and mascara to lengthen those eyelashes we bat at you flirtaceously. We spend at least $100 every six weeks to cut and color our hair, so we can be blonde - cause they have more fun with you, or so we've heard - and hide any gray that begins to show. We pour ourselves into spandex and yoga or aerobicize or eliptical train our butts off...if we're lucky.
Men, you're telling me you wanna start this? You worldly GQ metrosexuals really want a part of this madness?
Fine. But do so at your own peril. I guarantee...you get prettier than us...your thighs get smaller than ours...and we'll make you pay. We'll figure out a way to alter your anatomy so you can give birth, too.
*****
Edited to add: My husband corrected me, as I figured he would. It's a myth, he says, that cyclers shave their legs for aerodynamic reasons. It seems that gaping wounds on shaved legs are easier to clean sand and gunk out of after wrecking. He also questioned whether women really do all that stuff for men, or if we're actually doing it for other women. He might have a point. Especially when many men are oblivious. After reading my blog entry, they're probably like, "you do WHAT to your WHAT???"
Back to your regularly scheduled blogramming...
Anyway, watching all this cycling got me thinking about body hair. Cyclists shave their legs so they can become even more aerodynamic and shave thousanths of a second off their time. Does it really make a difference? I mean, really, unless you look like an ape, I can't see the need. Same with swimmers. I was reading an article about how someday, men shaving their legs, chests, backs, etc, will be as common and accepted as women shaving underarms and legs. Everyday, non-superstar-athletes will pluck and shape their brows too. Most men might even try a bikini wax.
Why, guys? Why? You've got it made right now. The least you have to do is shave your face. And sometimes, you don't even have to do that, if you're trying to attract us women fond of a five o'clock shadow. Why put all that effort into making yourselves smooth and silky when, I'd venture to guess, most women enjoy you the way you are—a little rough around the edges. We'd give anything not to have to shave every day, but society says we must. Admit it guys, a woman raises her arm and you see anything resembling stubble or more, and you make a face, crack a joke, refer to thick-necked Eastern European women named Helga.
We shave. We pluck. We go to estheticians who slap hot wax on our nether regions then rip it off, yanking skin and drawing blood in the process. We inject botox. We apply mud masks. We exfoliate. We whiten our teeth and inject collagen to form pouty kissable lips. We scrape calluses off our feet and polish our nails. We wear 5 inch heels and push-up bras and pants that suck in our tummies. We put on makeup and mascara to lengthen those eyelashes we bat at you flirtaceously. We spend at least $100 every six weeks to cut and color our hair, so we can be blonde - cause they have more fun with you, or so we've heard - and hide any gray that begins to show. We pour ourselves into spandex and yoga or aerobicize or eliptical train our butts off...if we're lucky.
Men, you're telling me you wanna start this? You worldly GQ metrosexuals really want a part of this madness?
Fine. But do so at your own peril. I guarantee...you get prettier than us...your thighs get smaller than ours...and we'll make you pay. We'll figure out a way to alter your anatomy so you can give birth, too.
*****
Edited to add: My husband corrected me, as I figured he would. It's a myth, he says, that cyclers shave their legs for aerodynamic reasons. It seems that gaping wounds on shaved legs are easier to clean sand and gunk out of after wrecking. He also questioned whether women really do all that stuff for men, or if we're actually doing it for other women. He might have a point. Especially when many men are oblivious. After reading my blog entry, they're probably like, "you do WHAT to your WHAT???"
Back to your regularly scheduled blogramming...
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