Skip to main content

Like a pretzel in the oven

102 degrees fahrenheit
65 percent humidity
90 minutes
26 different contortions
A room full of masochists
$15 for the privilege of being there

It might, at first read, sound like something your wholesome family values would not want to know anything about. It's actually an increasingly popular form of exercise. Or punishment. Or insanity. Or pick your own descriptive word.

It's Bikram Yoga, also known familiarly as "hot yoga." It is described on our local yoga studio's website like this:

...A hatha yoga based system designed to stretch, strengthen and rejuvenate the entire body, and reduce stress and tension. This 90-minute class consists of a series of asanas (postures) and pranayamas (breathing exercises) practiced in a heated room. The purpose of the heat is to promote cellular metabolism, detoxification and suppleness of the muscular system. This magic formula combined with a regular practice brings rapid improvement in body shape, fitness, overall health and mental well-being.


This is my 7th day in a row going to class. I had been going last year, enough that I invested a wad of dough into a 30-session pass. Then my interest waned along with my bum knee, and I quit going. Then about a month ago, I realized that if I didn't use the rest of my sessions on my pass by August 12, they'd expire. I started back last week, and I had 19 to go. So I'm nuts AND I'm thrifty. I don't want to lose money on this punishment.

It's actually very rejuvenating. It's also frustrating when you realize your body at 33 won't move the way it once did. I cannot balance on one leg. It's really impossible. Yesterday I pulled a lower abdominal muscle, so every time I breathe deeply, a sharp pain pierces through my middle. And occasionally I drift in and out of consiousness with the heat. I can only imagine what menopause might be like someday. Hot flash hell.

I know someone who actually went to class two sessions in a row for two days. Four classes (that's 6 hours of sweating and twisting and balancing and bending in half) in a 48 hour period. I'm sure it's a record. The men with the white coats are looking for you, Mark. There's a nice padded room waiting...

I'm making it out to be something hideous; it isn't. It's amazing. Those people who can devote many hours a week to the practice are so focused and balanced, calm and yet energized. They also look incredibly fit, with their tiny waists, their washboard abs, their sculpted biceps and quadriceps and hamstrings. Then there are us regular people who manage to drag ourselves to the gym the minimum three times a week, whining all the way and cursing the fact we weren't born with supermodel bodies or superathlete stamina.

And so tomorrow, it's on to day 8 of my quest to use my session pass (which is nonrefundable and nontransferable, just so you know). Dandayamana janushirasana (standing head to knee pose), here I come.

Namasté!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Is it OK to own a Canadian?

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a U.S. resident, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative: Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them. 1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexic...

In memoriam...

I remember the first time I heard the name "Les Anderson." A bunch of Wichita State University communication majors were sitting around on campus, talking about classes they planned to take. Several people warned me: watch out for Les Anderson. He was tough. He had a murderous grading scale. It was nearly impossible to get an A. They weren't kidding. But he wasn't tough just to be a tyrant. From his teaching sprang a fleet of incredible, successful journalists, writers, editors, broadcasters, public relations experts, advertisers, non-profit professionals...I could go on and on. Most importantly, he created a legion of people who wanted to make a difference in the world. The greatest gift Les gave to them all? He believed in them, cared about them for their own personal stories as well as the stories they told for class assignments or in the pages of his hometown newspaper. Les was my teacher. My boss. My mentor. My conscience. My champion. My friend. When I started c...

Holy Separated-At-Birth, Batman!

Gary Oldman...meet Uncle Knit-Knots from Imagination Movers.