I'm warning you now, if you have a weak stomach, a tendency to embarrass easily, or if you just have no desire to read some news briefs that are little wacky and a bit risqué...might want to skip this entry.
I'm not in any way poking fun at men, or suggesting that they - indeed - may be at the mercy of their lascivious libidos. Men are wonderful creatures, really. I was just so astounded by these tales of woe (or WHOA, in many cases), I couldn't pass up bringing them to your attention. And they were all found on reputable news web sites, so I really have no reason to question whether they are internet rumors or urban legends. Boys will be boys? I guess so.
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1. For Better or For Worse?—Romanian doctors have removed a man's wedding ring from his penis. The patient, who is married and has two children, told doctors he had a one night stand with another woman. He couldn't say how the ring got onto his penis but suspected the mistress wanted to embarrass him because he fell asleep during sex.
2. Relationship's in the Sewer—An Alaskan woman upset about an impending breakup with her boyfriend cut off the man's penis and flushed it down a toilet, police said. Utility workers recovered the severed organ Sunday and surgeons reattached it. Kim Tran, 35, was charged with first-degree assault, domestic violence and tampering with evidence. She was jailed at the Anchorage Jail with no bail set.
3. Hide the Ginsu Knives!!—A 40-year-old man is recovering in hospital in The Philippines after cutting off his penis and eating it. Asked about Ernesto Almonte's mental state, a hospital spokesman said: "If you cut your sex organ and then eat it, then something is wrong with you."
4. Something Between Me and My Calvins—Actor Tom Sizemore, who is on probation for a conviction of abusing his ex-girlfriend, former Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss, was back in court. Officials claim Sizemore used a fake penis called a "Whizonator" during a court-ordered drug test. Sizemore denied the charge, saying the underwear displayed in court with the Whizonator attached was not his. "They're not mine, they're Calvins," he said. "I wear Hilfigers."
5. Okie Dokey—Oklahoma City judge Donald Thompson has had to step down from the bench under allegations that he was using a penis pump beneath his robes during trials. Apparently, a police officer was testifying during a trial presided over by Thompson, when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a piece of plastic tubing disappear up Thompson's robes. A court reporter also claimed to see Thompson use the pump almost daily during the trial, which, interestingly enough, ended in a hung jury.
6. What's Up With These Romanians?!—A Romanian man ended up in hospital after putting a piece of string around his penis to avoid going to the toilet. Vasile Barbulescu now faces months of complicated surgery to correct the damage caused, according to local press.
7. Condom-ints?—A Swedish woman said on Sunday that she had found a penis in a bottle of ketchup. Viktoria Ed said she was lucky enough to discover the organ before putting the sauce on her bread rolls, unlike her husband Stefan and their children, Madeleine and Simon. The Godegaarden brand ketchup was made in Turkey and distributed in Sweden by the company Axfood. The shop where the ketchup was bought on Friday has thrown out the rest of its stock. "I will never buy this brand again, it's finished," vowed Ed.
I'm not in any way poking fun at men, or suggesting that they - indeed - may be at the mercy of their lascivious libidos. Men are wonderful creatures, really. I was just so astounded by these tales of woe (or WHOA, in many cases), I couldn't pass up bringing them to your attention. And they were all found on reputable news web sites, so I really have no reason to question whether they are internet rumors or urban legends. Boys will be boys? I guess so.
•••••••
1. For Better or For Worse?—Romanian doctors have removed a man's wedding ring from his penis. The patient, who is married and has two children, told doctors he had a one night stand with another woman. He couldn't say how the ring got onto his penis but suspected the mistress wanted to embarrass him because he fell asleep during sex.
2. Relationship's in the Sewer—An Alaskan woman upset about an impending breakup with her boyfriend cut off the man's penis and flushed it down a toilet, police said. Utility workers recovered the severed organ Sunday and surgeons reattached it. Kim Tran, 35, was charged with first-degree assault, domestic violence and tampering with evidence. She was jailed at the Anchorage Jail with no bail set.
3. Hide the Ginsu Knives!!—A 40-year-old man is recovering in hospital in The Philippines after cutting off his penis and eating it. Asked about Ernesto Almonte's mental state, a hospital spokesman said: "If you cut your sex organ and then eat it, then something is wrong with you."
4. Something Between Me and My Calvins—Actor Tom Sizemore, who is on probation for a conviction of abusing his ex-girlfriend, former Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss, was back in court. Officials claim Sizemore used a fake penis called a "Whizonator" during a court-ordered drug test. Sizemore denied the charge, saying the underwear displayed in court with the Whizonator attached was not his. "They're not mine, they're Calvins," he said. "I wear Hilfigers."
5. Okie Dokey—Oklahoma City judge Donald Thompson has had to step down from the bench under allegations that he was using a penis pump beneath his robes during trials. Apparently, a police officer was testifying during a trial presided over by Thompson, when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a piece of plastic tubing disappear up Thompson's robes. A court reporter also claimed to see Thompson use the pump almost daily during the trial, which, interestingly enough, ended in a hung jury.
6. What's Up With These Romanians?!—A Romanian man ended up in hospital after putting a piece of string around his penis to avoid going to the toilet. Vasile Barbulescu now faces months of complicated surgery to correct the damage caused, according to local press.
7. Condom-ints?—A Swedish woman said on Sunday that she had found a penis in a bottle of ketchup. Viktoria Ed said she was lucky enough to discover the organ before putting the sauce on her bread rolls, unlike her husband Stefan and their children, Madeleine and Simon. The Godegaarden brand ketchup was made in Turkey and distributed in Sweden by the company Axfood. The shop where the ketchup was bought on Friday has thrown out the rest of its stock. "I will never buy this brand again, it's finished," vowed Ed.
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