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Two words that strike fear in my heart: Office Retreat

In about two hours, I will be sitting with my office coworkers in a conference room with a box of cookies and cans of soda, discussing an upcoming departmental restructuring. Could I be any less enthused? Highly doubtful. Biggest funny is that our supervisor is calling it a "retreat." I know—retreats in the business world are common, as meetings held away from the office to talk about the future of the company or to reflect upon past projects. But I find it amusing, if not a bit alarming, that the OTHER definitions of "retreat" put a different twist on the whole purpose of the meeting.

1. Hideaway, an area where you can be alone: I wish. Instead, I will spend the afternoon with a roomful of people who, for the most part, grate on my nerves.

2. Step back, opposite of advance: So true, so true. We won't move anything forward. We'll just spend hours debating and gritching. I'm not being negative; I'm being a realist.

3. Hiding place for spiders who do not live in webs: Spiders are creepy creatures that can spew poison or just freak you out. That's an apt description for several people I've had to work with.

4. Withdrawal for prayer and meditation: Please, God, please, let this "retreat" be canceled.

5. A place of privacy, a place affording peace and quiet: See #2. Blahblahblahblah, yadayadayada.

6. A signal to begin withdrawal from a dangerous position: Danger, danger, danger. Put down the dry-erase pen and PowerPoint laser pointer, and slowly walk away...

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