Skip to main content

Shield your eyes from the sequined shine

The theme song's sloshing around in my head. I'm picturing that mirror-ball trophy and gearing up for crotch shots and bad puns from the hosts! Yep, it must be that time. Tonight's the 2-hour season premiere of Dancing with the Stars!

The competition must be fierce. We haven't even seen the first shimmy from this season's cast, and already they're dropping like flies. Jewel and Nanci O'Dell are out because of injuries (or sudden cases of "oh crap, I'm going to completely embarrass myself in front of millions of people"), replaced -- rumor has it -- by Hugh Hefner's former girlfriend Holly Madison AND Melissa (not even sure that's her name), the girl who just got dumped on national TV a week ago by The Bachelor.

I'm not much into it anymore, as I've written in previous posts. I think I'm getting excited out of sheer habit.

We, in Iowa, do have one bright and shining reason to watch. Olympic Gold Medal Gymnast and Midwestern Cutie Pie Shawn Johnson! She's dancing with Mark Ballas, the guy who won it all a couple seasons ago with ANOTHER Olympic winner, Kristi Yamaguchi. So she could go far. I did hear, though, that she said nothing translates from gymnastics to dancing, except maybe hard work and determination. I also heard that she's not used to the shoes. The girl has lived most of her 17-or-so years barefoot. Now they're putting her in stilettos and telling her to shake her bootie.

I predict the Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak will be out in the first week. I'm secretly hoping that no one votes for country singer Chuck Wicks, who got paired with his real-life girlfriend and two-time pro DWTS winner (with Oly speed skater Apolo Anton Ohno and Indy car driver Helio Castroneves) Julianne Hough. I'm obligated to cheer for Belinda Carlisle, simply because she was lead singer of the Go-Gos (insert We Got the Beat drum cadence here). And I'm guessing Lawrence Taylor will be good, since there's something about wildly popular African American football stars that seems to lend itself to dancing success.

Other than that, I have no predictions or cares one way or another.

Except, go Shawn! And stay away from Hef's ex. For that matter, stay away from Hef. He doesn't need a teenage Olympic gymnast in his bed. Despite what the producers of his Girls Next Door show might think.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Holy Separated-At-Birth, Batman!

Gary Oldman...meet Uncle Knit-Knots from Imagination Movers.

Is it OK to own a Canadian?

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a U.S. resident, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative: Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them. 1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexic...

What's in a name? Everything.

I'm appalled. You can call it King or Duke or Princess or M'lady of Everloving Windsor. But you cannot call it Queen. It is not Queen. Will never be Queen again. Freddie Mercury was the heart and soul and voice and face and pianist and songwriter and co-founder of that '70s & '80s phenomenal English rock band. Yet, guitarist Brian May and drummer Roger Taylor have trotted some singer named Paul Rodgers on stage, on tour, on a new album, and are calling themselves Queen. Technically, they're referring to themselves as Queen + Paul Rodgers. I'm sorry, but two washed-up has-been musicians and some former singer for Bad Company does not somehow magically make it OK to blaspheme Freddie like this. The band HE fronted was the one inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Songwriters Hall of Fame. MTV named Mercury the second greatest singer in the history of popular music. I realize that many bands suffer this fate as members retire or die and others t...