I've decided to switch group therapy programs. The decision didn't cause quite the level of anxiety, fear, guilt, depression that one might think it would, given the mental and emotional deficiencies that got me into the group in the first place.
Frankly, I just can't stand the current group of crazies. They make me, well, CRAZIER. These people live their lives around their illness. It's as though their mental illness defines who they are. It is their soul. It is their best friend. It is the center of their universe. Many of them cannot have meaningful interpersonal relationships because the illness is all-consuming. Some cannot hold regular jobs. Others cannot drive. Some who are older than me still live with their parents. One person has a job -- but it is a job as a speaker for a mental health advocacy group.
My mental illness WILL NOT run my life. I won't let it. I want to live in spite of it -- TO spite it, in fact. So sitting in a room with a bunch of other people for two hours, wallowing in how depressed or anxious or scared or angry or guilty or superhuman or insignificant I feel, is just not where I want to be.
My new group adventure starts Monday and lasts for eight weeks, culminating in a day-long retreat to practice the skills we will have learned and delve deeper into ourselves. It is called Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy and, in short, involves a lot of what some of you might consider hinky hippie mumbo jumbo. There promises to be lots of meditation, yoga, deep breathing and focusing on being in the present, living in the moment, experiencing the "now."
I'm excited to meet my new group. It's like going on a first date. A blind date. A date where no one's getting to any bases, and my insurance is picking up the tab. I hope I pick up a few skills during the eight weeks that can help me cope with challenges while learning to live in the present, not "what if" or "what could have been" myself to death.
And I hope I like the other group members. Because when you're in a roomful of people like you and you don't like any of them, what does that say about how you see yourself?
Frankly, I just can't stand the current group of crazies. They make me, well, CRAZIER. These people live their lives around their illness. It's as though their mental illness defines who they are. It is their soul. It is their best friend. It is the center of their universe. Many of them cannot have meaningful interpersonal relationships because the illness is all-consuming. Some cannot hold regular jobs. Others cannot drive. Some who are older than me still live with their parents. One person has a job -- but it is a job as a speaker for a mental health advocacy group.
My mental illness WILL NOT run my life. I won't let it. I want to live in spite of it -- TO spite it, in fact. So sitting in a room with a bunch of other people for two hours, wallowing in how depressed or anxious or scared or angry or guilty or superhuman or insignificant I feel, is just not where I want to be.
My new group adventure starts Monday and lasts for eight weeks, culminating in a day-long retreat to practice the skills we will have learned and delve deeper into ourselves. It is called Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy and, in short, involves a lot of what some of you might consider hinky hippie mumbo jumbo. There promises to be lots of meditation, yoga, deep breathing and focusing on being in the present, living in the moment, experiencing the "now."
I'm excited to meet my new group. It's like going on a first date. A blind date. A date where no one's getting to any bases, and my insurance is picking up the tab. I hope I pick up a few skills during the eight weeks that can help me cope with challenges while learning to live in the present, not "what if" or "what could have been" myself to death.
And I hope I like the other group members. Because when you're in a roomful of people like you and you don't like any of them, what does that say about how you see yourself?
Comments
I did the Mindfulness group several years ago when I still worked at the U. If it's the one I'm thinking of - Bev is WONDERFUL! Love her to pieces. My mom took the class last year, too & felt the same way. I'm not great about practicing it daily -but when I do, I feel much more in tune with myself.
I think you will greatly enjoy it and I hope that it helps you find some new alternatives to integrate into your current therapy!
Scoo -- An afternoon at your house with the Wii and the big screen TV, and I wanted more and greater -- forget inner peace! :-)