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"Hi, this is Amy. How may I help you?"

And oh, you can only imagine the response...

I was offered a new temp assignment late last week, after the one I had been doing (to refresh your memory: remove staple, tape receipts, make copies, talk to no one, wish to slide toothpicks into my eye sockets from sheer boredom) ran out of work for me to do. I guess I worked so fast and furious and fabulously, I worked myself right out of employment.

Never fear, the HR company I've been helping needed a warm body in the call center. I get to answer inbound calls from employees of companies that are auditing health insurance policies to discover whether the employees' dependents are still eligible for coverage. It's a little tougher than it sounds, in that I know of nearly NO families with a cut-and-dried, perfect scenario. Divorces, child support, alimony, adoptions, stepkids, he-said she-said, paperwork mistakes, college kids needing coverage, common law marriages.

Good gracious, the world is messy.

My favorite call so far included the phrase "Well, that's just a load of crap." I get the feeling they all want to say it, but only one has actually voiced the opinion.

So I'm doing customer service. Actually, I must be picking it up pretty well, because it's only my second day, and spent the whole afternoon doing all the data entry and talking myself. I have a trainer who sits behind me, listening in on the call and prompting me when I get stuck. By tomorrow, I should be on my own. I don't know if that's a good thing, or a bad thing.

I've learned, so far, that being super friendly -- even when they're cussing and yelling -- works best. And the mute button is my friend. Especially when I need to say something along the lines of "What the F- is she talking about?" It's sort of a mutual confusion over the phone lines.
I got called "honey" a couple times today. By men with southern drawls. Who work at trucking companies. I really wish we had video phones. I'm envisioning with amusement what they might look like.

Best of all, I get a headset that makes me look like Judy, the Time/Life operator.

(Did I mention, I have an interview for a real-time, full-time, honest to Pete editorial job? On Friday??)