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Think before you speak

I had the opportunity to attend a family gathering this weekend, at which time someone to whom I am only very marginally related took it upon herself to grill me about when I'm going to give H a brother or sister.

What does one say to that rude, unwelcome inquiry? I wasn't altogether shocked by this line of questioning. Another relative on the same side of the family asked at our wedding reception when we were going to have a baby. I had no idea just exactly how fascinating my reproductive system is to people.

Not known for being all that quick witted, I stumbled for a moment then simply said, "H is just so wonderful that we didn't think we could top our perfection, so we won't be having any more." The relative wouldn't let it go, of course, blabbing on about how we wouldn't want an only child (said in the same tone as if we were rearing the spawn of Satan) and about how it was so unfair of us not to give the grandparents more grandchildren to dote on. (And I've already apologized to Tim's brother for deflecting attention away from us by insinuating that everyone will just have to look to HIM for any future offspring.)

I've since thought of about 355 flippant comebacks. But I'm still astounded that a person who amounts to a stranger to me would ask something that amounts to, "So when you gonna have some wild and raunchy babymaking sex?" Anyone who's ever made such an inquiry, please think about that before you do it next time.

Most upsetting to me is not that she asked ME, because I wasn't that sensitive about it. My concern is for whom she might ask the question next time. Because that woman might be someone who had recently miscarried or had a stillborn baby. Or perhaps the woman was battling infertility. Or had recently been sexually abused. Or was in the midst of a very private and painful marriage crisis.

In my case, my husband and I have just decided that one is the right number for us, for a host of reasons. Number one on my list is the danger I put myself and an unborn child in by getting pregnant. The drugs I take to treat my mental illness can cause deformities and developmental delays; not taking them puts me at ultra high risk for postpartum depression, psychosis and such. There's also the chance that I could genetically pass on my mental illness -- something I wouldn't wish on anyone, especially not my child.

What do you say to someone who asks such a question? Tim's letting his other three wives have their turns (we did live in Utah, don't forget)? I'm taking time off from childrearing to practice my new religion -- Witchcraft? We're waiting until the herpes clears up to start trying? (And just in case anyone without a sense of humor is reading this, I'm jo-king. Please, start NO rumors.)

Here's my favorite response: "None of your damn business."

Comments

Brianne said…
I always think of a hundred things I wish I would've said to someone - about an hour or two after the incident.

Man, I hate that...

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